It was a rainy day in the Underground, and I'd been given a peculiar assignment that took me to the fringes of the Labyrinth and into the old fashioned and genteel world of one Mr. Alexius Worm. Featured briefly in the motion picture "LABYRINTH," Mr. Worm is depicted as Sarah's would-be saviour from immediate access to The Castle. In his cameo Mr. Worm offers up his favorite beverage...tea. Sarah politely declines, but after the film Mr. Worm found himself privy to far more glamourous takers of his humble
invitation.

Almost immediately his warm charm and natural appeal won him fans and admirers... even among the Underground. "Who is this humble lil' worm?" seemed to be all the buzz.

     Shortly after the film's release he was the host of many celebrity tea parties and sipped happily with such luminaries as Hoggle, Ludo, Sir Didymus, and even the elusive Goblin King Himself... Jareth. My journey took me to the long corridor in which he and his beloved wife had been living for some 25 years.

     I was greeted by a warm, shrill cockney accent, "Hallo!"

     For a moment I could not spot the source and I scoured the glistening ground for some sign of my host.

     "Um,...hallo there!" came the voice again, slightly louder than before.

     All at once I spotted him... an off-grey lil', worm, whom, despite his brite yellow scarf, blended in quite naturally with the walls and floor. He smiled up at me blinking inquisitivley with the oddest buggy eyes and a pinched smile on his tiny face. He looked older, perhaps a bit pudgier... time had taken his florescent spikey top from him... still, he was remarkable nonetheless.

     He promptly extended his now trade mark invitation... "How 'bout a cup a tea?... Wanna meet tha' missus?"

     He vanished through a tiny crack in the wall and left me standing baffled in the hall. As awkward silence followed, out popped his lil' grey head from the crack and he offered up what must have been familiar words of advice.

     "Come on then?... Not as small as it looks ya know! Things are never as they seem in the Labyrinth."

     And again his head vanished into the tiny crack. I knelt down and pressed my eye to the opening only to find the inside quite bright, cheery, and expansive....a proper-sized tea table and all.

     Resolved, I pushed my face harder against the wall and found myself inside crouching on a nice linolium kitchen floor... the aroma of wildberry tea surrounding me and a exuberantly cheerful fat old lady worm, complete with bonnet, apron and all.

     "Hallo!... Tea's on the table lad! Drank up! I'll just be in the other room if you two need anything then!" With that, she dissapeared into yet another hole in the wall.

     I am still quite perplexed as too how she or Mr. worm actually get the tea served as neither of them appear to have any arms or other means of doing so...

     Sitting atop the nice antique tea table was Mr. Worm with a extremely tiny, worm-compatible teacup...beside him was a perfectly normal-sized teapot, suger bowl and milk pitcher. I was relieved to find my cup standard issue and filled with cheery, hot tea...

Jody: Mr. Worm, in 1988, two years after LABYRINTH'S release you opened up your home, briefly, as a public cafe, correct?

Mr. Worm: Oh dear me, YES!!!, What a disaster that was! Called it the "TEA ROOM," I did... Had all kinds of weirdos pop in... Truckers, joggers,...even the occasional pop star... George Micheal even came in once... Mostly they just waltzed in, got a sorta'
dissapointed look on there face and then waltzed right back out... Don't know what that was all about, really.

Jody: Did Sarah ever come back and have tea with you?

Mr. Worm: Sarah? Oh heavens no... I don't think she fancied hot tea... being an American and all... to be perfectly honest I'm afraid of Americans.

Jody: Was Hoggle an interesting guest?

Mr. Worm: 'Oggle, God bless 'em, is a really nice bloke. But, also, utterly stupid. All that third person carrying on... "'Oggle this, 'Oggle that..." For gods sake use a pronoun once in a while...sheesh. Also I think he may have lifted 'me good silverware. It's a pity really...

Jody: I see, very interesting... What about Ludo? He doesn't seem like the brightest star in the sky himself. What was tea time like with him?

Mr. Worm: Ludo, was and is, one of the most misunderstood beasts in the Underground. He was a goblin P.O.W. for years and years, you know. That scene where he is strung up dangling by his feet in the movie may have been humorous to you, but, to him it was re-enacting some of his darkest days. He told me once well into our third cup that he felt somewhat exploited by that scene...a bitter pill that one...

Jody: Shocking! I never would have guessed...

Mr. Worm: S'true...

Jody: What about Sir Didymus? He must've been fascinating...

Mr. Worm: Didymus is a proper gentleman... I always enjoy tea with him. A rare breed that one. Although I always have found it disturbin' that he himself is a dog, yet he rides a dog as a steed... That one's got some therapy time booked, I'll betya!...*laughs mischeviously*

Jody: Last, but not least, in 1987 you had tea with The King Himself, Jareth. What that must have been like!

Mr. Worm: Well, um,...lemme see...I, um, forgot... Um...it was, well, ....uh.... (long pause as he stares down into his tiny teacup)

Jody: Come on now, surely you remember....

Mr. Worm: No, sorry can't say I do .

Jody: That's absurd... How can you expect me to believe that you've simply forgotten?

Mr. Worm: Well, let's just say some things are best forgotten shall we, Lad? Nice interview... Come back anytime...

Jody: Oh, come on Mr. Worm, everyone has heard the rumors of illicit chemicals in your "special" blend teas. Besides, we have all seen the photos of Jareth sporting an unflattering, spontaneously-inflicted mullet shortly after he left your "tea party." Now's the time the tale was told of what happened that mysterious night...

Mr. Worm: Well, first off, I had no idea that the mushrooms he requested in his tea were of the "out there" variety... honest. Secondly. he frightened me a bit... he kept going on and on about how he "moved the stars" for no one and about how Sarah would be back... very sad really... As the night wore on, he began muttering about "glass spiders" and hopping about willy-nilly... I was rather glad when his goblin escorts led him out. I knew no good would come of that mullet...it was scary to watch him do that to his luvly hair. One never wants to bear witness to a "mullett-ing." It happened so fast, just swoosh, swoosh, and off fell the sides of his dazzlin' 'do.

Jody: Sounds very unsettling. Thank you so much for this peek at your fascinating life. Your memoirs are due to be published in late 2001 correct?

Mr. Worm: God willin'...

With that I walked out back into the rainy night. As I left I realized that indeed, much can be said for a worm's eye view...