To some it is a casual thing...a word used to decorate this and that and polish up a dull linguistic landscape.

Others see it as an elusive and intangable essence. A fleeting glimpse at why we all bother to ever even to look at all.

Beauty can be a shadow cast in a lonely hour or a smear of colorful acryllics...it can even be a goblin.

Once a year, down in the Underground a pageant most curious is held in honor of the goblin physique and all its splendor.

Its origins are rarely brought to light as it is an event shrouded in secrecy. One might say that in order for a humble dark elf as myself to have ever even known of such a celebration that mysterious and arcane powers had to be at work.

Let's just say a lil' fairie honored me with such inside information. I was fascinated by the notion and pursued it much to the protest of the goblin community. I have never in my journalistic career faced such an impenetrable media blackout! Even goblins, whom I've known and trusted for years, scowled and refused to comment when faced with any question concerning the Ceremony.

I finally decided that the only way I was ever to break down the wall of secrecy was to go to someone who would revel in the humiliation and degredation of the gobln community, yet someone who also would REALLY know the scoop.

That person, of course was none other than Jareth the Goblin king. Last he and I had spoken we parted ways harshly ( see "Fa-Fa-Fa-Fashion" for details ). I knew I had to convince him to talk to me again, but how???!!! How, indeed! I went to the realm of humans and gathered a gem of a bargaining tool.... I kidnapped Sarah!!!! Yes, I know, I know ...poor girl and all that jazz, but, hey!!! An elf's gotta' do whatta elf's gotta' do and somtimes the ends simply justify the means....

Needless to say he talked to me.... on the condition that I not quote him verbatim. He was quite devastated by the time the interview was granted (Sarah rejected him....AGAIN!) and said alot of things I'm sure he didn't really mean... ( I sincerly doubt that Ludo is merely a possessed bear as he claimed at one point in our talk!)

Apparently the whole thing began some eighteen years ago when Jareth decided that the goblins were really just too dirty and smelly. He decreed that once a year would be "Beauty Day" and that each and every goblin in his kingdom had to bathe and apply a facial cleanser. He decided that as further incentive he would reward the goblin who acheived an appearance closest in nature to actual beauty with a "SMACK PASS."

According to Jareth a "SMACK PASS" is a certificate that allows the goblin to smack whomever he please with the "Smackin' Pole" in front of the whole goblin community with no fear of retribution! This is a much envied and coveted prize and makes for an astounding effort on the part of many goblins.

The Judge is none other than Jareth himself, and when I prodded him a bit for his criteria he revealed that he looks for "abstract expression of inner intricity." This means very little to me, but when I further prodded him he gave me a look that made me feel kinda' dumb so I ...um, well I pretended I understood what the hell he was talkin' about. ( Yeah, like you wouldn't have...)

He revealed that last year the winner was a lil' gobbo named Grimey who sported a long brunette wig and a beautiful white peasant dress. He described Grimey as a "elixer of grotesque caricature and bold ignorant power." I nodded and smiled.

Apparently for the last, oh, fifteen years or so ( that's every year since the film Labyrinth by the way ) the winners have worn some kind of longish Brown wig and a white or off white peasant dress. Hmmmm....how curious... When I asked if this had any kind of "Sarah" connection he frowned at me and simply said "NO."

One last point of interest; three years ago a goblin named Hasarash won the contest and when bestowed with the Smacking Pole she, in a moment of blinding stupidity, chose to smack her presenter Jareth... The crowd loved it and all laughed and laughed. That very night the goblin population was reduced by about a third; apparently a truly horrific and deadly 24-hour plauge swept through the Underground and claimed many, many lives, including the prestigious Hasarash! What a coincidence...

I do hope that you have enjoyed this voyuristic glimpse at the softer side of Goblins and maybe even expanded your concept of beauty.

Written by the Jody after his Facial

sample fine beauty products at halloweenjack15@yahoo.com

[COMMUNITY]   [STORIES]   [JUDITH'S LABYRINTH SEQUELS]   [IMAGE GALLERIES]   [DOWNLOADABLES]   [LINKS]   [SHOPPING]

THIS SITE MAINTAINED BY JUDITH AGRATHEA.