NOVEMBER
2ND, 2000, FRIDAY, 12:52pm, NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK:
I am patiently waiting on
the arrival of cult-icon, Romantic Villain, and fashion
trend setter extraordinaire Jareth the "Goblin
King." A rare interview with one of
Villainy's all-time favorite sons. I can hardly contain
my excitement.
Upon his arrival at 1:00 PM
(one hour fashionably late of course.) I am instantly
aware that this Fashion retrospective is indeed going
to be the highlight of my journalistic career. Some
13 years on since his magnificent performance in the
film "Labyrinth", in which he portrayed himself.
Jareth is still in fine form. Never one to cling to
past fashion statements, he is in casual mode today.
A pink bandana stylishly drapes
his long locks back and large gold hoop earrings give
him a gypsy flair. Still strikingly thin, he sports
a black silk tuxedo shirt (no frills-sorry ladies.)
and tastefully pleated burgundy trousers. His shoes
are sturdy black Kenneth Cole's, and I think I caught
a glimpse of mismatched socks. One green and one blue.
I.
Jareth...it is an honor
to interview such a luminary as yourself. Thank
you very much for agreeing to talk with me today.
J.
Yes, well, It is about
fashion and not ME!...Correct?...*Ha-Ha-Ha*(he gives me the Jareth smiley stare of charm)
I.
Yes!...of course. Let
me start with a question involving your current
entouge. Did I see that you are wearing mismatched
socks under those "sensible" trousers
of yours?
J.
Yes, to match my eyes...(he
is sans eye shadow today and elegant crows feet
whisper secrets of his timeless age.)
I.
Very clever...Let’s discuss
the ensemble from the famous First appearance in
Sarah's window. Please give us the details.
J.
That Outfit Was F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*he trills* Big Leather BREASTPLATE!!!Need
I say more! And that big ol'collar over that cute
lil' mandarin collar was just soooo, "I am
Medieval, I am Modern, I am Now!!" Bold
stuff honey. Madonna ain't got nuthin' on that one.
The Black, windy, sheer cape, was so Stevie Nicks
and frankly...I adore her. My favorite part of that
whole scene is when I throw a snake on Sarah and
then suddenly I'm all "TA-DAH!!!!...It's a
scarf you silly cow!" Poor Sarah she really
could NOT accessorize worth a damn. She wouldn't
know what to do with a scarf if it bit her! *HaHaHaHa*
I.
....
J.
*stares blankly at
me for a moment...* "Well...LAUGH!"*he commands me in a no nonsense voice.*
I.
Ha..hee?...
J.
Next question...
"It's
a scarf you silly cow!"
"Honestly,
this looked to me like something Liberace would've sold
at a yard sale for say...a nickel!"
I.
Let's move on now to one of
my favorite scenes in the movie. The dazzling Masquerade
ball dance. What exactly were you wearing?
J.
*pulls out a cigarette and
lights it* That scene I wore a dishy little number
with one of my all time favorite accessories the "devil"
mask. It screams I am naughty and I am Bold! I love it,
love it, LOVE IT! The jacket was a blue, sequined matador
cut with tails. Honestly, this looked to me like something
Liberace would've sold at a yard sale for say...a nickel!?
* he unleashes a cheeky smile, and takes a hard drag
from his cigarette* The fans seem to love that outfit
so I suppose something WAS indeed very right about it.
The blue ribbons in my hair were a darling touch though
I must admit.
I.
Your hair was rather magnificent
in and of itself in that film. Do you still style it in
that manner occasionally?
J.
*exhales a waft of blue
smoke and stares contemplatively at nothing in particular.*
I gave up that hairstyle around 1992 actually in favor
of a more conservative, long-haired look. I was indeed
inspired to that hairstyle on a bet. A goblin general
and I got very drunk one night and he challenged me to
grow a "divine" mullet. I being one to never
be outdone grew what I still consider to be the most powerful
and artistic mullet ever. It was a sight to see. Six bottles
of mousse a day. It got very expensive and cut into my
cigarette fund. Needless to say it had to go.
I.
Fascinating...Lets discuss
the infamous "DANCE MAGIC DANCE" pants shall
we...what was the statement you were going for with these
very revealing grey tights?
J.
*blushes and chuckles*
I was merely reminding the Goblin Muppets that I had something
they did not.
I.
Is it true that's where you
stored your crystal balls?
J.
...*droll stare and then
rolling eyes*
I.
Heh..heh..just a joke...nothing
really.
J.
Nothing!... Nothing!!...TRA-LA-LA-LA!!!
Let’s move along shall we?
I.
Um...yes... What about the
very dazzling "Escher" stairwell confrontation
scene. What was that outfit composed of?
J.
Yes...that was a rather neat
style I thought. I actually kept the Red velvet shirt
that I wore under the black leather vest. It was simply
too much to bear giving up when filming was done.
I.
Do you still wear it every
now and then?
J.
Yes, every Sunday.
I.
Hahahahaha....
J.
No, really every Sunday. What
are you laughing at?Jackass...
I.
Oh! I'm sorry...how rude of
me. Let's just move right along to the finale' shall we?
This costume was obviously inspired by the white owl you
occasionally transform into, correct?
J.
*snubs out his cigarette
in ashtray and stands up* Time’s up. End of interview.
*turns to walk away.*
I.
No wait! I still have more questions!
You promised me an in-depth interview!! You can't leave yet!
It's not fair.
J.
Not fair!?? Not fair?!!! I wonder
what your basis for comparison is?
I.
Please just one more question...
J.
Beware! I have been generous up
‘til now, but I can be cruel. *he walks towards me assertively*
I.
Excuse me Mr. Goblin-King, but just
what do you think you've done for me that's so... "generous?"
J.
EVERYTHING!!! Every question you've
asked I've answered! You asked about the "window scene,”
I answered you! *circles me like a shark* You cowered
before me, I was FRIGHTENING! I have discussed My Divine Mullett,
and confessed to the petty theft of a red velvet shirt ALL FOR
YOU!!! *his voice is passionate and he continues circling
intently* I'm EXHAUSTED from living up to your expectations...Isn't
that Generous?
I.
...I just wanna ask you about that
cute lil' white owl-y outfit you wore in the finale'. PLEEEZE!!!
J.
STOP!!!...*holds out his hand
dramatically* WAIT! *holds up his cigarette rigidly*
Look, Look what I've given you...All your fashion answers...
*he speaks intensely*
I.
But I have one more question... *I
walk towards him, and he backs up still holding cigarette commandingly*
J.
I ask for so little, if you just
let me rule you, and you can have all the answers you want.
I.
Your fashion sense was great...Damn!
I'll never get you to agree to another interview *I concede
with angst-riddled voice*
J.
Just Fear me, Love Me, Do as I say,
and I will finish your interview. *somber look befalls his
elfin face*
I.
Uh-uh... You got no power over me.
Suddenly and abruptly the mighty Jareth dropped his cigarette tumbling
to the floor like a miniature comet. Ashes trailed the air as it
fell. He seemed to collapse into his trendy gypsy outfit in a feathery
explosion and then with all the grace and beauty of the film out
flew the majestic white owl. It swirled timelessly around me and
then it shot out the hotel window. I found myself standing amongst
my interview notes and white feathers, quite stunned at what had
just occurred. Jareth indeed had given me the interview of a lifetime.
The enigmatic Goblin King, as always, had made a dramatic exit.
I felt more fashion savvy than I had ever dreamed. Long live the
Goblin King. Yes, long live the Goblin King...
