Grimble was a bit put off about discussing it at
first, but lucky for me, he opened up and gave a most enlightening
account of this exciting experience.
I.
Grimble, you didn't want to meet with me for this interview
at first, why?
G.G.
Look fella, you call me GENERAL GOBKNACK or else I take
my short sword here and SHOVE IT RIGHT UP YER --
I.
Hey! Whoa, calm down there lil' fella, no need for violence!
I meant no offense. I swear I'll refer to you with the proper
military formality from here on out.
G.G.
S'RIGHT!! Ya knobby bastard!... I aint no grub chump! Now
what was yer stupid question again?
I.
Um, yes, I was wondering why you almost chose NOT to do this
interview? Why did you change your mind and grant my request?...General
Gobknack, SIR.
G.G.
Thats more like it. I didn't want to talk about dem' drawrins'
cus' drawrin's is gurly. I only talks to ya 'bout em' cus' Jareth
threatened to put some of his purty-boy make-up on me if I didn't.
Am I done now? Can I go?
I.
No. I have more questions for you if you don't mind?
G.G.
Get em' outta' yer system ya gimp!
I.
Um... okay. So how did you get chosen to model for Mr. Froud?
That should've been a great honor.
GG.
Well, that artsy fella' came down and was pokin' all around the
Goblin City. Most of us Gobbo's wanted to jump him and beat the
stuffin outta' him! Jareth said that if we did, he was gonna put
us on SWEEPER DUTY til' Doomsday. So we just decided to
hide from him, cuz we thought he was weird. Jareth offered to
let me lead the Goblin War Brigade parade on St. Jareth's day
if I sat down and had my portrait drawn by Froud. So I did. THE
END. What A beauti-FUL STORY!
I.
...Sorry, I have more questions. What was Froud like to work
with? What was his approach at drawing you?
G.G.
I told ya the story! Now I got important things to do. I'm outta
here... *stands up gruffly and cocks head back
defiantly*
I.
O-kay... I sure wish you would finish my interview. I'll just
have to tell Jareth you were un-cooporative. I bet you'll be darling
with pink lipstick and silver eyeshadow...
G.G.
*sits back down quickly* I DO beleive
you asked what he was like to work with? Correct? How rude of
me, feller. I appy-polly-gies. Well, as I recall he was real quiet
like. He sounded like Jareth when he talked all, *imitates
British accent...badly* "Dooo sit down
now, ol' boy, lemme have a BLOOOODY goood look at you!
No squirmin." Then he wiggled that stick on that paper and
drew that funny picture of me.
I.
Fascinating. How long did the whole process take?
G.G.
Forever.
I.
No, really, how many hours, or was it days?
G.G.
I cannot tell time feller. I am a Goblin. We don't care what time
it is really. To me it seemed like forever. Just like now. F
O R E V E R! Now Can I go, pleeeeeze!!! *looks
at me very pleadingly*
I.
NO. I am curious, did you like picture he drew
of you? Do you think it looked like you?
G.G.
Uh-Uh, it was really small, I could cover it all up with just
my hand. I am much bigger than that.
I.
I see... I think. But don't you think it looked an awful lot
like you?
G.G.
Like a very lil' me, I suppose.
I.
Did he ask you questions while he drew you? Did he tell you
about himself at all?
G.G.
*scratches his head* He asked me
what I liked about being a Goblin. I told him I like being a Goblin
cus' Goblins is da' best. He also asked me to be still alot. I
told him when us Goblins is still, thats when we gets killed.
He also told me, he thought I was an excellernt subject. I frowned
at him and thought about how SWEEPER duty wasn't really all that
bad. He always called me General, or General Gobknack, unlike
you, YOU DIRTY, DISRESPECTFUL--!! *pulls out
sword and stands angerly*
I.
I'm sorry! I'm Sorry!!! I simply forgot! Please don't do anything
horrible to me General Gobknack, Sir!
G.G.
*walks towards me still brandishing sword threateningly*
I do believe you owe me at at least three "General Gobnacks"
due to it's omission in all your questions ya' frakkin' biggun'!
Let's have em now!
I.
That's ridiculous, you just want me to say your name three
times! Why I bet you can't even count to three you silly --
G.G.
ONE! *stabs me in right foot*
Hee-hee!!! *huge toothy smile*
I.
AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!!! Why you filthy, vulgar, lil'-- *hopping
on left foot*
G.G.
TWO! *stabs me in my left FOOT!!!*
Hahahahahaha!! *wicked Goblin laughter*
I.
*fall to my knees, and find myself at eye
level with the malicious Goblin* OUCH!!! STOP!!!
For the LOVE Of all that's ho-
G.G.
THREE!!! *swings sword viciously in attempt
to lop off my head, I barely duck*
I.
*cowering on ground* Please
General Gobknack, don't kill me! I'll say your stupid name three
times!!! GENERAL GOBKNACK, GENERAL GOBKNACK, GENERAL GOBKNACK!
There is that good enough?
G.G.
*sheathes sword and places hands on hips with
great authority* Well, well, well, look who's all pitiful
now, Mr. Hotshot Journalist. Hee-hee-hee. How's 'bout we wrap
this here interview session up and you let me go on my Gobliny
way?
I.
*whimpering in great pain*
...Sounds good to me. Thank for you for the interview. Please
go away now.
G.G.
One more thing, feller! Either you name this article "General
Gobknack is the mightiest Gobbo ever" or me and my Gobbo
posse' come after ya and toss all yer bit's and pieces into tha'
Bog O' Eternal Stench! And don't think I won't know no better
cus, I got a friend dat's a door knocker and he can READ!
I.
*meekly crawling away*
No problem.
G.G.
*turns and walks away* All
right then! See ya 'round limp-o.
As he left I thought to myself, "Damn! Why didn't I interview
Sir Didymus?" Hindsight is always 20/20.
