Remembering

Groggily, Sarah rolled over and blinked the sleep from her eyes, and focused wearily on the alarm clock.  It was six thirteen.  She could still taste him on her lips – the man from her dream, always there to hold her, or frighten her, or tell her some dark secret.  She would only remember him for moments now as she fully woke up – but she always savored those fleeting seconds.

And then it was gone.  She moaned an annoyed “crud”, and eased herself out of bed.  She had only meant to lie down for twenty minutes or forty-five at the most.  But she had knocked out for over three hours.  Oh well, can’t cry over spilled milk, she thought, nothing is really fair anyway.  She flipped on a light and headed for the closet.  She pulled out a beat up pair of low-rise jeans and tossed them on the bed.  She pulled out a tight black tee from the dresser and grabbed a pair of fresh socks.  She pulled her hair back, pulled on her jeans and shirt, and managed to find a pair of dry boots.  She gave herself a once over in the mirror and picked up her small black wallet.  She pocketed it and grabbed a band for her hair.  Black jacket in hand she had almost made it out the door when she spied the mail lying on her desk.  She rifled through the letters, one from the scholarship department, another for ten free CD’s, the newest New York Theater magazine, and a small brown package.  She tossed everything else aside and examined the package.  It was from Toby.  Sarah smiled, that boy always knew how to make her day, what a sweetie.  She carefully opened the packaging and pulled out a small note:

To my sis,

I know you are lonely, and I miss you too.  I hope you come home soon. 

This came for you in the mail today.  I think the address said Illana or something.  Mom opened it.  I know you don’t like it when mom goes through your stuff, but she was planning on putting all your aminals and bookz away and just tossing this out, so I wanted to send you something.  Dad helped me pack it up, but I writed the letter.  Please come home sooon, I miss you.

Luv you,

Toby

Sarah smiled quietly down at the scrawled letter.  Pretty good for a little guy. She was sure her Dad had helped out – he was a soft touch that way. She wasn’t upset by the contents of the letter.  Her father had told her that they were planning on turning her old room into a guest suite and that her stuff would go into storage.  Karen again.  Always was that woman trying to twist things to her liking.  She made it seem as though anything that ever went wrong was her fault.  Even when her mother had died, Karen refused to offer any condolences, save a cheesey card and a strained hug.

Throwing those thoughts aside, Sarah finished opening the package.  It was a small, well used, red leather-bound book.  She turned it over in her hands feeling the word leather.  The gold leaf where the title had been had been rubbed off and the first few pages were tattered and some were missing.  She vaguely recalled reading a similar book at one time, it’s warm binding felt familiar in her hands.  She thumbed through the pages, not reading anything, and decided it was the perfect length for an evening of reading.  As she closed the book, a warm sensation surged through her hands.  It was the feeling one has when your hands have fallen asleep and need to be woken up.  The feeling surged up her arms and encompassed her whole body – and then was gone.  “Woah, must not have eaten enough today.”  Sarah shook her head and focused her eyes “dizzy spell…” Clearing her thoughts, she popped the small book in her back pocket, grabbed her keys, and closed the door. Alright, she though, only half past seven.  She stopped as she walked down the hall.  The air no longer smelled sweet.  She half frowned, she had really enjoyed the smell and reminded herself to ask around and see who had been burning the incense.

The air was thick, but the rain had stopped, as Sarah walked down the street.  The DEN was one of her favorite haunts.  Not too many students went there.  It was an old theater that had been renovated and turned into a bar/study hang out, but on a Friday night, there would be very few people studying.  It had velvet couches, and candles, and there was always soft jazz playing in the background.  Thunder rumbled in the distance and Sarah cursed herself for forgetting her umbrella.  Hopefully the rain had tired itself out. 

After about ten minutes of walking, Sarah rounded the corner.  A small sign hung over the entrance, simply reading “DEN”.  She stopped short.  There sitting above the sign was a pure white owl.  It was magnificent.  Sarah found herself entranced by it’s stare – it’s piercing stare.  She felt, somehow, that she had seen him, she knew it was a him somehow, before.  She shook the feeling and started for the door, stopping again to look at the owl perched like a statue above the sign, again it stared at her.  Closing her eyes to shut out the strange feelings, she opened the door, flashed her ID, and grabbed a couch in the far corner. 

Kicking off her boots, Sarah sprawled out on the sofa.  A waitress came over and Sarah quickly ordered a glass of Merlot.

Just one, she thought, that is all I really need.  Just one to relax and shake off the day. 

The waitress brought the wine, Sarah opened her book, and Sarah remembered.

A few glasses of wine later, Sarah sat bewildered.  The words flooded her mind.  “I wish the Goblins would come and take you away, right now.  The images of goblins, fairies, dwarves and other creatures swirled in her thoughts.  She kept reading the passages, unable to stop, searching for him, the one who haunted her dreams, the one who always stayed just inches away from her recollection.  Page after page, glass after glass, hour after hour, she read on.  He was only referred to as the Goblin King, but she knew there was more, there had to be more.  What had happened?  Had she known him?  She had, but how?  Toby?  I have to rescue Toby!  No. Don’t be ridiculous – it is just a story.  It was just a dream – an Escher-esk dream….just a dream…

Sarah took a deep breath.  It was after one in the morning, the bars would chime up last call in an hour.  Her head was spinning.  All of those memories she had fought to find opened like the sky and fell upon her like stinging raindrops.  Why, why had the Goblin King taken these thoughts from her?  She knew in her heart that it wasn’t a dream – he was real, the Goblin King was real – he was no delusional fantasy.  She had to finish reading.  She turned the page and stopped. Everything became clear.  All of the walls crumbled and she knew.

“Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my here to castle beyond the Goblin City, to take back the child that you have stolen.  Though my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom as great………..”

Sarah looked up, her eyes welling with tears “You have no power over me.”

“What?” Came the question from the waitress.

Shocked, Sarah turned and faced the young woman.  “Oh, sorry, I uh, was, God, oh man, just um, rehearsing a play.  That’s all.”

“Yeah, sure.  You want another drink, or is that it.  Last call.”

“Last call?  It’s only….” Sarah looked at her watch, 2:10.  “Oh, uh, no, I guess not.”

“Okay, that will be $57.50 then.”

“What?  You’re kidding, I only had two…” Sarah looked again, there were four empty glasses of wine on the table. “Right.  You take Visa?”

The waitress took the card and left.  Well, Sarah thought that would explain the dizziness.  She signed the slip of paper the waitress brought back and made sure she left a decent tip.  She shook off the tears that had found their way down her cheek, signed the slip, clutched her book and exited the DEN under the watchful eye of a white owl.

It was pouring.  The rain was warm against Sarah’s body, but she was still drenched and shaking.  The dizziness was getting worse and the only way to steady herself was to stare at the ground and keep walking.  She held the book under her jacket, close to her heart, away from the rain.  Her head was spinning.  Why now?  Why remember now?  Everything flooded back to her in wave after wave, image followed jumbled image, and always a voice in the background edging her on….What’s said is said……I have turned the world upside down……Look what I am offering you…..

Sarah looked up from her walking, she should have been back at the dorms by now, but she wasn’t.  She was far past where the dorms were and into the area of campus devoted to sports.  “Shit!” she mumbled, it was too dark to really get her bearings and she didn’t often visit this part of campus – preferring the theaters and museums to garish intensity of college games.  She looked around.  Nothing seemed familiar, even though she knew she had seen it before on the campus tour. 

Lost, wet, head spinning from wine and emotions building that she couldn’t place, she stood in the middle of the soccer field until her knees gave and she fell to them, splashing mud onto her pale face.  She angrily wiped it off and let out a guttural growl, frustrated at her own stupidity for getting lost.

“What is it you want from me?  Where are you?”

As if in reply, lightning flashed and thunder pounded against the night sky so hard, Sarah thought the sky itself would fall.  Lightning flashed again, and then she saw it.  Sitting on one of the light poles used to illuminate the field during night games, was the owl – the same white owl from the DEN – just staring at her.

Shakily she rose to her feet and walked toward the pole – the owl flew down to a fence post that sat nearby the stood barely five feet.  Warily she approached.  “God Sarah,” she  mumbled, “If anyone saw you right now they would swear you were insane, afraid of an owl,” She steeled herself and renewed her step until she was only a few feet away.  She stared at it hard – stared into it’s, his, eyes – they were not the eyes of bird, but of man, or something more than a man, mismatched, sensual eyes stared into her own.  A name pierced her thoughts – Jareth – and she whispered it, knowing now, it was him.

They stared at one another, so many emotions passing between the owl and the woman – so many questions, so many feelings, so many things that needed to be said, so much hurt, so much deep hurt.  She stepped closer – anger, sadness, desire, passion, all swirling in her thoughts.  She began to ask a thousand questions, but always stopped short.  Rain continued to pelt her hair, but she didn’t care – “Why have you, why did you….”

Without warning, the owl took flight and was gone.

Gone.

Sarah stood there alone, in the dark and in the rain, mouth slightly opened to ask questions that would never fall, questions left unanswered.  Tears welled at the edges of her eyes and mixed with the falling rain.  A dense and deep anger swelled inside of her, surging to the surface.  Why, why bring me so close only to toy with me, you bastard!  Why, why would you do this again? Are you even real?  Yes, you have to be.  Why would you do it again?   No, not this time – NOT THIS TIME!! She backed away from the post, turned and ran to the center of the field.  Her head spun from the wine and confusion, but she didn’t care.  She fumbled with the zipper on her jacket and pulled out the tattered book.  She opened the Labyrinth, but already knew what she was looking for – she didn’t need it, but somehow, it justified her actions, made them real and not fantasy – she stared strait into the night sky, lightning nearly blinding her and thunder crashing all around her.  The pages were drenching even as she spoke.

“Jareth, why?  Why?” She stopped, fully taking in the words she was about to say – if she said them and they didn’t work, was she a lunatic?  Did it mean all of this was imagined?  No, it meant he would he just reject her, push her out of all thought again.  Make her forget and forget her.  That was her punishment for winning.  They would work though, the words had worked before and would work again…..Staring into the rain once more she screamed the words, ensuring that the Goblin King and his minions would hear her  “I wish the Goblins would come and take me away – Right NOW!” 

Nothing.  Lightning flashed and the only sound that tortured her ears was her own breathing and patronizing patter of the rain about her.

Only the thunder accompanied her into her sorrow as the dizziness overtook her.  “Damn you, Jareth.  Damn you.”  Sarah fell to the ground and wept quietly as the rain fell upon her back, soaking her though, and mixing with her tears as the fell from bloodshot eyes.  “Damn you.”  All of it poured out of her, her fear, anger, confusion, it all fell to the ground to mix with the rain.  Sarah closed her eyes and wept and everything went dark.  Only the thunder accompanied her into sleep.  Thunder, and the eyes of an Owl.